The No F*cks Given Guide To Half-Term

The guilt fairy has been at it again. Throwing images of happy busy families in my face that are enjoying every wretched second of half term. Filling every moment with something fun and interesting to keep their little cherubs entertained. And with it comes those pangs of guilt that I myself aren’t doing those things with my own kids.

But, you know what? I’m so done with that sh*t! Why should I feel guilty that I haven’t got camping trips booked or Museum visits planned? I shouldn’t feel bad that I don’t know how to make rainbow spaghetti or kale smoothies.

So here’s my No F*cks Given Guide To Half-Term

1. No f*cks are to be given when the kids moan that their mates are going to Legoland. Yours have 10,000 boxes of the stuff. They can make their own resort in their bedroom

2. Zero f*cks can be spent on caring what other people’s Instagram feed looks like. So what if they’ve visited every museum in the country and yours is filled with sexy shots of Gin in a Tin. At least you’re not bored stupid.

3. Do not give any f*cks to the fact that your best mum friend has just bought her kids a new Xbox One and you bought yours a Kinder Egg. 1. We are planning/saving for Christmas. 2. We do not need more entitled spoilt brats in the world.

4. Your kids have had nuggets and chips for 3 days straight and their mates have organic everything & kale smoothies for breakfast? No f*cks given! Looking after kids when they’re not at school is bloody hard work. Meal times are something you want over and done with. Stat!

5. No f*cks spared for caring how much time is spent on tablets and/or in front of the tv. It’s the kids holiday but that doesn’t mean you have to be stressed 24/7. If they want a day where they don’t emerge from their pit of a bedroom, eyes glued to a screen, so be it. At least they’re quiet.

6. Absolutely under no circumstance can f*cks be given to worrying about housework. It’s a given that your house will never be clean while the kids are home so f*ck it. Let the Lego explode and the toys cover your lounge. Embrace the madness and have yourself a Gin.

7. Do not give f*cks when you see people checking in to Frankie and Bennys giving their kids a treat while you order the same pizza combo from Papa Johns. Who wants to eat out with a bunch of other crazed families anyway? In your lounge with a Disney movie is a lot more appealing.

8. F*cks can also not be given to those people who go for a morning jog with their kids at 7am. Clearly they are deranged and in serious need of a strong Gin.

9. F*cks are not to be given to the guilt that will no doubt consume you over whether you’ve done enough with your kids over the half-term break. Some of us have to work. Some of us don’t drive. Most of us are broke and nearly all of us are too damn knackered for picnics, finger painting, park going, museum visiting or even cooking. Spending what time you can with your kids is far more important than what you fill that time with. Because mostly? They just want you. 

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